Painting the future..

  

Change. A term many are not comfortable with.  The changing moods. The changing wants. The changing dreams. The changing people. And the upheavals, the plans to resist the change. The futile attempts to hold on to the one thing that has worked hitherto. As I transcend into the new year, I feel the status quo changing. Everything around me seems to have a new tint to them. As I let go of my past haphazardly, I feel a need to protect my dreams. For I feel they will be swayed away with the changes. Mauled and mutilated as all my hopes have been. But hopes can grow back. The dreams are what define me. So here I am. Beaten black and blue, trying to protect my Dreams. And have finally decided to let the struggle go. And so far it has been working for me. With the conflict gone, I have been able to see the world with rose glasses. Have been able to look at the aspects which earlier were not visible. New bonds earlier non-existing. New places to visit. New cuisines to taste. Infact, am discovering new traits in me previously dormant. Have begun to look at the future with new set of colours. Not just in sets of Black, white and gray! Colours so real that the future shall be more than merely a make believe. Colours so vivid that the memories I shall make henceforth shall be more recent than an aged sepia photograph! And these are the memories I really want to cherish. It indeed is true that one must preserve the old photographs. But here I am, planning to frame the photographs, and hang them on my wall!

As I transcend into the new year, I have finally found the Joy. The Joy of the laughs we share with our friends. The Joy when we watch a movie and actually feel one with it. The Joy when David Gilmour pulls up the solo for comfortably numb! The Joy. Found only in the small things. And I finally have found the capability to appreciate the small things that have been all around me all my life. The small things, thus far of no consequence, now filled with life. And its these small things I want my future to be painted with. Not some far fetched treasure. Not some hollowness. Not some lie. 

As I embark on this journey to my future, I want to borrow these words from the immortal Sahir Ludhianvi:

मैं ज़िन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया

हर फ़िक्र को धुंए में उडाता चला गया |

बरबादियों का सोग मनाना फ़िज़ूल था

बरबादियों का जश्न मनाता चला गया |

जो मिल गया उसी को मुक़द्दर समझ लिया

जो खो गया में उसको भुलाता चला गया |

ग़म और ख़ुशी में फर्क ना महसुस हो जहाँ

मैं दिल को उस मुकाम पे लाता चला गया|

Did the Dots join right?

As I sit here in this lonely night, tapping furiously on the keyboard to form words, apparently to convey heartfelt emotions...I can not help but look back at the picture which the year 2009 painted.

A plain canvas with a maze of dots to join. The beautiful trip marked the start of this year soon to be bygone. And like most things which you want to last forever, this too came to its short end. Alas...life moved on. And how! The two month internship taught me more about life than it was supposed to about the way businesses are run. Very insightful to say the least. And these two months included travel to one of the most beautiful places I have been to...

Then came the changes. Changes? Is it not the word usually clubbed with inevitability? Yes. But then, when its the change that shows up wearing a mask...seems like the dream you pained to live...and when no one is looking, takes it off to reveal the nightmare you will be living, it is pretty unpleasant!

But then, the dreams shatter. The broken pieces hurt. It bleeds. And it clots up to live another day. Another Dream.

One friend once told me: Whats wrong with falling down? Because you can always get up and start again!

So I cleaned up the Broken glass pieces and got myself a brand new dream to dream.

Moved from one mirage to another...

I retrospected.

I introspected.

I ran.

At least tried to. From the pain that engulfed me in its wild fire. But as the Fab Four song goes, with a little help from my friends, Oh I get by with a little help from my friends! Mmm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends. I was my previous self! The one which I had lost somewhere in the pages of history. And I was back. Smiling. Laughing. Dancing. Wondering. Wondering if this is a dream I longed to live? Wondering if this Dream is short lived like its predecessors have been?

Wondering...

The past that was..

The future that could have been...

Looking back...do the Dots join?

Here I am hoping that the new year does not present me with a new labyrinth of dots...too messed up that I end up sulking at the past rather than embracing the future...