Monday, April 12, 2010

MUMBAI : Part 2: Things NOT to DO.

Continuing from my previous post, here is the Second Part of the Two on my city.
Borrowed from Satish Vijaykumar's blog post:

Things NOT to do in Mumbai:

  1. Get into a Virar train if you are going to Borivali
  2. Avoid Taxis outside Dadar & Kurla stations all are chors.
  3. Eat Bhel at Kailash Parbat
  4. Call a cop ‘Pandu’
  5. Argue with a Koli Fisherwoman
  6. Get a 11 Rupee massage at Girgaum Chowpatty
  7. Call a BEST bus driver ‘Bablia’
  8. Buy enhancement medicines from Van – Travelling Hakims who are the desi versions of the flying doctors
  9. Look smart while visiting Chor Bazaar
  10. Avoid asking the Sandwich wallah on Dalal Street for market tips
  11. Stand in front of Amitabh/shahrukh/salmaan’s house — u look stupid and its waste of time
  12. Baba Bengalis are neither Baba’s or Bengalis they are all perverts and thugs
  13. Visit sleazy Video Parlours and get caught in a raid
  14. Get excited and start jumping when someone offers you Paanch ka Dollar, it’s just a tiny 5 Rupee coin
  15. Go for a Shiv Sena rally in hope for a Free Vada Pav and Shiv Sena Banian
  16. Stare at Koli Women in Gorai and Make fun of Kolis in their Kasti
  17. While commuting don’t tease people shitting near the tracks, they throw stones back at the train
  18. Hang outside the train, Poles might hit you before the crowds will.
  19. Tease a Hijra.
  20. Bribe a Porter to grab a seat in V.T, chances are he might run off with your money and even beat you.
  21. Get conned at Fountain from Guys selling cheap Mobiles, they mesmerize and wrap soap bars.
  22. Avoid pimps behinds Mondegar & Pasta Lanes.
  23. Donate money to the Crying Cab driver, he has conned thousands.
  24. Invite Brass Polishwalas into your house
  25. Sit for more than 20 mins extra at an Irani Café, the Bawa owner might shout some sister abuses.
  26. Drink Neera at 5 pm at Dadar Station
  27. Have lassi outside Dadar Station (west), they add Tissue Paper while preparing it
  28. Throw stones at monkeys in Borivali National Park
  29. Loiter around in Shivaji Park on Dec 6th.
  30. Ask for a bargain at the Maharastrian Cloth store in Dadar.
  31. Call up 26407383 Beanbags thinking it’s an escort service.
  32. Call a Maharastrian guy Bhaiya, no matter how respectful you mean.
  33. Go to Mondegar and ask for a Jain Pav Bhaji
  34. Look straight and walk, We have open Manholes, flicked by Druggies.
  35. Wear Brown Khakis shirts, People will mistake you for BMC staff.
  36. Ask for Warranty & Guarantee from the Mallu Electronic stalls in Fountain area.
  37. Search for the Kala Ghoda in Kala Ghoda.
  38. Ask why statues in Bombay have one finger pointed like Umpires.
  39. Apply Rai ka Tel on your head and travel by public transport.
  40. Go to Chor Bazaar in your Car or Bike.
  41. Wear nice footwear to SiddiVinayak or Mahalakshmi Temple
  42. Go to Haji Ali during high tides
  43. Go to work when a Shiv Sena bandh is on.
  44. Dial 100 for fun, Cops will put your entire family behind bars and use bars.
  45. Buy water & tea for Chai-Pani, Old Monk should work.
  46. Fall asleep on the Harbour Line, Thieves will strip you of everything.
  47. Eat Missal / Ussal Pav before going to work.
  48. Board a fast train in Dadar to go to Bandra. Opposite platforms and a very horrible crowd
  49. Go for midnight mass thinking you can patao chicks
  50. give money to bhikari (he is the same guy who is @siddhivinayak on Tuesday, @mahim church wed, @mahim dargah on Thursday, and @hajiali on Friday, @mount mary on Sunday)
  51. Go to an Orchestra Bar, its nothing but the local banjo party guys in better clothes
  52. Talk to a Gujju for more than 10 mins, he will start playing garba with you
  53. Go to Versova beach, its full of shit and methi plants
  54. Join any friendship club, its like inviting blackmailers.
  55. Go to Bhagwathi hospital in Borivali
  56. Pronounce Sandhurst correctly, Sandas Rd makes more sense.
  57. Ask where is the Chinch in Chinchpokli or Chincholi
  58. Trouble naughty couples in the A/c Buses
  59. Go for morning show in sidey theatre expecting sleazy action, you might encounter  khudkushi action around you.
  60. Travel from Andheri to Ghatkopar by Bus, the bus is full of pickpockets.
  61. Travel ticketless  on Friday, If you are caught Anadi court is a big torture.
  62. Wear a Red tie or red handkerchief and stand near Gateway or Radio Club, its a gigolo symbol
  63. Give 100 bucks to a conductor and expect him to give you change, he will sadistically torment you till the last stop.
  64. Buy cheap booze in Churchgate Subway and get caught by cops for not having permits
  65. Buy Crackers from Essabhai, Crawford Market and travel in train
  66. Go to National park with your GF/Wife and take the jungle route Robbers & Adivasis might loot you.
  67. Ask for free Chakna in bars, its history since Aug 2, 2008
  68. Go to Voodoo’s on Saturday, its the only Gay bar between Istanbul and Bangkok
  69. Go to Navy Nagar and think you can buy booze for cheap.
  70. Try to play all the instruments at Furtado’s in Dhobi Talao
  71. Stand close to the platform when the Rajdhani is passing, a sonic and nuclear blast of fart, shit and farsan will hit you.
  72. Ask for extra chutney and sambhar in Udupi hotels.
  73. Visit Ganga Jamuna in Tardeo thinking its a holy place.
  74. Assume that booksellers in Fountains are dumbo’s, they know their Pulitzers and Bookers more than us.
  75. Take the driving test, paying 300 bucks makes more sense.
  76. Do a court marriage in Bandra court.
  77. Count the numbers of floors of Oberoi towers just because Amitabh did.
  78. Bet against India in a game, Australia is the safest option.
  79. Get scared and not gamble in the McDowell Derby at Mahalaksmi Race Course.
  80. Note down prices or take Photos at Alfa in Irla
  81. Buy 100 bucks Windcheaters from Churchgate, they are all the ones recycled by the Bhandiwalis
  82. Search for Tigers in Borivali National Park, It’s the other way Tigers & Panthers will find you
  83. Search the roads & gutters of Chira Bazaar & Opera House hoping to find diamonds just because the newspapers claim so.
  84. All the things mentioned are NOT to be DONE in Bombay.
And as I said in the previous post, this list is in no way comprehensive but nevertheless, I would like to thank the persons for compiling this list and would do my bit to update it by adding new points.

MUMBAI : Part 1: Things to DO.

As I get ready to live the next phase of my life, and am sure many of you will be in a similar state, I narrate a thing or two about the city which has been my home for the better part of my life. The city which I have loved so dearly. And the city that, as they say, never sleeps. At this point, I can't help but borrow this wonderful compilation by Zishaan. This is the First of the Two posts:

Things to DO in Mumbai:

  1. Get high on qawwali at Haji Ali
  2. Spot a celebrity at Juhu PVR
  3. Sit down on the steps of Asiatic Society library
  4. Crane your neck to see the Bombay Stock Exchange building
  5. Spot a leopard in IIT Bombay campus. If you can't, then spot a girl
  6. Enjoy a play in Prithvi Theatre
  7. Enjoy the NCPA in a play or opera
  8. Find some calm around the Banganga tank
  9. Haggle for non-antiques in Chor Bazaar
  10. Face the high tide on Worli seaface
  11. Bet money on race horses at the Royal Western India Turf Club, Mahalaxmi
  12. Dangle your feet, lean back on your palms and enjoy the sea from the Marine Drive promenade
  13. Go for a heritage walk in the Naval Dockyard (first Sunday every month, Indian nationals only)
  14. Explore the Sanjay Gandhi national park. A national park in city limits? Oh yeah!
  15. Soak in the Victoria Terminus
  16. Watch DDLJ at Maratha Mandir
  17. Party at Hard Rock Cafe and mourn for a minute the death of mills around Parel
  18. Jog on Juhu beach
  19. Sit on a tetropod at Nariman Point in midnight till police constables shoo you away
  20. Stand still on flyover bridge at Dadar station and watch the crowd whiz by you
  21. Find out who is grittier. You or Crawford market?
  22. Find the Fort wall
  23. Ride the Victoria on Marine Drive. Yeah, cheesy, we know
  24. Discover the city's Jewish connection at Keneseth Eliyahoo Synagogue
  25. Watch sunset over Aksa beach in Madh Island
  26. Discover the underbelly of Bombay in Dharavi
  27. Stay for a night at Taj Mahal Palace hotel. You definitely want to tick off this luxury address for the oh-I-stayed-there-for-a-while conversations, don't you?
  28. Catch the national madness of cricket in Oval Maidan
  29. Read a Bombay book (Suketu Mehta's Maximum City?) in Azaad Maidan
  30. Cheer a football match at Cooperage ground
  31. Bury your nose in books for hours at Strand
  32. Stroll in Bombay University
  33. Climb the airport boundary wall in Kurla to gain phenomenal views of Boeings
  34. Swoon at a concert in Bandra Kurla complex
  35. Gaze at the Queen's Necklace from the Hanging Gardens at dusk
  36. Hunt for antique furniture (real or fake?) in Oshiwara
  37. Hike up the Mazgaon Hill
  38. Buy books from roadsides around Flora Fountain
  39. Envy the private palaces of Malabar Hill
  40. Party on a ferry in the Arabian Sea off Gateway of India
  41. Take a break from the city. Vasai offers the ramparts of Bassein fort, ruins of Portugese churches and East Indian food
  42. Trek in Sahayadris
  43. Say hello to the fauna at Byculla zoo
  44. Buy a camera from D N Road's gray market
  45. Dare the red light district of Kamatipura
  46. Guess what RFID system they use to tag clothes at the Dhobi Ghat
  47. Take a power nap at David Sassoon Library
  48. Catch movies at art-deco cinemas: Regal (1933), Eros (1938), Metro (1938)
  49. Bow your head before city's famous deities: Mumbadevi, Mahalaxmi, Walkeshwar, Siddhivinayak, Iskcon
  50. Dine where Shahrukh Khans and Ness Wadias dine: Olive, Indigo
  51. Feel the sufi mysticism at dargahs of Haji Ali and Maqdoom Ali Mahimi
  52. Shop at the Bandra boutiques or if they are too expensive, give Hill Road or Fashion Street a shot
  53. Gape at famous residences: Shahrukh Khan's Mannat, Amitabh Bachhan's Jalsa
  54. Discover theatre scene in the city at venues other than Prithvi and NCPA: Sophia Bhabha Hall, Breach Candy; St Andrews, Bandra W; Rangsharda Auditorium, Bandra W; Ravindra Natya Mandir Hall, Prabhadevi; Gadkari Rangayatan, Thane W; Shivaji Mandir; Bhartiya Vidhya Bhavan, Chaupaati; Tejpal Hall, Grant Road
  55. Explore the Powai and Vihar lakes
  56. Visit the museums: Prince of Wales, Monetary, Modern Art, Mani Bhavan
  57. Admire the British era architecture in Fort: Churchgate station, Western Railway headquarters, High Court, General Post Office, Telegraph Office, Police Headquarters
  58. Learn about the rock-cut architecture: Elephanta, Kanheri, Mahakali and Karla caves
  59. Explore the churches: Gloria Church, Byculla, Portugese; Mt Mary Church, Bandra W, Portugese, 1640; St Michaels Church, Mahim, 1565, rebuilt 1973; St Thomas Cathedral, Flora Fountain, 1718; Wodehouse Church, Colaba, 20th century; Afghan Church, Navy Nagar, Colaba, 1858; Our Lady of Salvation Church, Dadar W, Portugese, 19th century; St John Baptist, Seepz, 1579; St Peter's Church, Bandra, 1852, rebuilt 1938; St Andrew's Church, Bandra, Portugese, 1575
  60. Check out an art exhibition: Jehangir Art Gallery, Fort; Tao Art Gallery, Worli; Piramal Art Gallery, Nariman Point
  61. Buy fish at Sassoon Docks, Cuffe Parade or Dockyard Road, Mazgaon
  62. Find the forts of Bombay: Bombay Castle, Fort; Castella de Aguada, Bandra; Madh Fort, Versova; Mahim Fort, Mahim; Sion Fort, Sion; Sewri Fort, Sewri; Worli Fort, Worli
  63. Buy a vintage bollywood poster in Mini Market or Lamington Road
  64. Getaway to the beaches around Bombay: Alibag, Kashid, Murud, Nagaon
  65. Travel to places overnight: Goa, Ajanta Ellora, Mahabaleshwar, Pune, Khandala and Lonavala
  66. Discover the charm of marble tabletops, bentwood chairs and irani chai at Parsi cafes
  67. Catch behind the scenes action at a Bollywood studio
  68. Loft the ball for a six in your neighborhood 'galli' cricket but make sure you don't break any window panes
  69. Silently stare at the Towers of Silence and Agiaries
  70. Shadow the dabbawalas for one full day
  71. Walk through a koliwada
  72. Ride a vintage lift in a 100 year old building
  73. Travel in a local train. How about the Virar Fast?
  74. Ride a double decker bus. Isn't Bombay the only city where they still run them?
  75. If you have made it to a penthouse in Bombay, you might as well enjoy the view
  76. Drink cutting chai, eat vada pav
  77. Gorge on late night sandwiches in Juhu
  78. Sip some wine at an expensive seaside restaurant: Vie Lounge, Juhu; Dome, Intercontinental, Marine Drive; Aurus, Juhu; Salt Water Grill, Girgaum Chaupaati; Bayview Bar, Nariman Point
  79. Figure what all the fuss is about having a beer in Mondegar or Leopold
  80. Jack you car bonnet using a cold-drink bottle and eat kababs at Bade Miyan in Taj's back alley
  81. Walk the nostalgic streets of Kotachiwadi and pay a tribute to Anant Ashram - once the mecca of fine and authentic East Indian cuisine
  82. Eat a Gujrati-Marwari thali at Friends Union Joshi club in Kalbadevi
  83. Smoke a hookah at roof-top restaurant Koyla in the Arab quarters of Colaba
  84. Eat South Indian fare in Matunga
  85. Eat pav bhaji, pani puri, bhel puri, sev puri at Girgaum Chaupaati
  86. Chew a paan outside Shoppers Stop, Bandra W
  87. Indulge yourself with fruity flavors of Naturals ice cream. And if it's summer, try a cup of alfonso mangoes with malai ice cream
  88. Learn out the art of ordering tea in a streetside cafe. "Ek paani kum dena."
  89. Drink Kingfisher, Cobra or Zingaro in your neighborhood look-alike bar of Nightlovers
  90. Try the green chilli ice cream at Bachelorrs
  91. Swing to some live music as you enjoy your continental meal at Not Just Jazz By The Bay. Do pay attention to the witty hoarding outside as you leave the place
  92. Run the Bombay Marathon (Jan)
  93. Enjoy the Kala Ghoda arts festival (Feb)
  94. Cheer 'Mumbai Indians' in an IPL cricket match at Wankhede statdium (May-Jun)
  95. Get drenched to the bone while biking in the monsoons (Jul-Sep)
  96. Sing "Govinda aala re aala" as 40 feet high human pyramids take the prized matka (Aug-Sep)
  97. Get lost in the crowds of Ganesh Chaturthi (Sep)
  98. Watch thousands of pink flamingos in the mangroves at Sewri (Nov-May)
  99. Eat nihari, kababs and sweetmeats around Masjid on the eve of Eid (Ramzan)
  100. Run a 'free hug' campaign. This is Bombay, meri jaan!
     Of course the list is not exhaustive but will give a pretty good idea about my city.

    Sunday, April 4, 2010

    एक बार और...

    उड़ के जाते हुए पंछी ने बस इतना ही देखा,
    देर तक हाथ हिलाती रही वह शाख फिज़ा में,
    अलविदा कहने को? या पास बुलाने के लिए?

    Flying away, the bird could just see one thing,
    The branch was waving for a long time in the breeze
    Was it to bid good bye? Or call her near?

    And yet again, the moment arrives, when we pack our memories and bid adieu to this place which has been our haven for the past two years.
    When we make promises that we shall meet again. One more time.
    When we sing and dance together. One more time.
    Bask in the glory of this momentary farewell. One more time.
    Knowing that we shall meet yet again. And shall grace the stage. One more time.
    We shall live in these memories. And in this break of a new dawn, we shall live to relive these moments again.
    And write new memories as we had when we had once written.
    It is time to look forward and not look back as we embark on a new journey with some old bonds.

    Last night we dreamt under the candle light...
    Wake up, now that another era comes to its end...
    पिछले रात हमने पिघलते मोमबत्ती की रौशनी में कई सपने देखें |
    अभी जाग जाओ, कि एक और कड़ी ख़त्म हो चली है ||