आईने में वह चेहरा

सदियों तक इस आईने में मैं

किसी ना किसी को तलाशता रहा,

कभी कोई कलाकार या कोई प्रेमी,

कभी कोई विद्वान या कोई पागल.

हमेशा कोई चेहरा पाया सामने

कोई और चेहरा...

अनजान सा, उदास था,

बेचैन था, बेताब सा

एक खोखला सा ढांचा है ये चेहरा

दिन गया, चेहरा नया

नए पोशाक में, जग को हंसाया...

लोग मिलते गए, ये बदलता गया

पर आज, मैंने आइना खाली पाया

शायद आज मैंने खुद को देखा है

For ages, I have looked in the mirror,

Searching for Someone or the other,

Sometimes I met an Artist or some Lover,

Sometimes someone Wise Or someone Crazy.

I have always found a face within,

Some other face,

Unknown, was Sad,

Was Restless, Impatient.

This face is a hollow mould,

Changed as the day passes,

Changed costumes, spread happiness around,

Met people, changed colours along the way.

But today, I found the Mirror to be blank.

May be, I saw myself.

Yesterday when I looked into the mirror, I saw nothing. I was perplexed yet was relieved. Relieved to know that I finally have stopped looking for someone else within me. Relieved that I have started becoming myself again. What I am. Who I am. Relieved that the Mirror is not showing any more Mirages.

The Face in the Mirror.

Yesterday...

याद है, एक दिन मेरे मेज़ पे बैठे बैठे
सिगरेट की डिबिया पर तुमने
छोटे से एक पौधे का एक
स्केट्च बनाया था
आकर देखो, उस पर फूल आया है |

These beautiful words by Gulzar can be translated as,

"Remember, the other day while sitting at my desk,
you had sketched a tiny plant on the cigarette box,
come and see, a flower has bloomed on it"

The other day. Seems so like Yesterday. There was a time when I used to look up to that Yesterday. The past. How I used to idolize Yesterday. So much so that all my dreams resided in yesterday. I hoped that my tomorrow would resemble my yesterday. I was unaware of the lovely flower that has bloomed today. I was blind to the magic that tomorrow would unravel. And the rains changed it all. The experience of the first showers in Mumbai after a really long time has opened a whole new window for me. A window through which I can view the beauty of tomorrow. A window on whose sill I can sit and watch the rain drops soak the world in a blanket of freshness. Where I can feel the soothing zephyr take me to a world of joy. To a world where the past dissolves into a Future of the dreams. where the dreams are not hollow.

So, with the onset of rains, I took a permanent seat on this window sill. Joined a class to learn a skill. Set-up a workstation right in my room. Continuing the over-haul I had planned out last month. Continuing the change I had dreamt of. Not of yesterday. But of tomorrow.

With the hope that Tomorrow will be a better than Yesterday.

ज़रा आकर देखो तो, उस पौधे पर फूल आया है |

 

Painting the future..

  

Change. A term many are not comfortable with.  The changing moods. The changing wants. The changing dreams. The changing people. And the upheavals, the plans to resist the change. The futile attempts to hold on to the one thing that has worked hitherto. As I transcend into the new year, I feel the status quo changing. Everything around me seems to have a new tint to them. As I let go of my past haphazardly, I feel a need to protect my dreams. For I feel they will be swayed away with the changes. Mauled and mutilated as all my hopes have been. But hopes can grow back. The dreams are what define me. So here I am. Beaten black and blue, trying to protect my Dreams. And have finally decided to let the struggle go. And so far it has been working for me. With the conflict gone, I have been able to see the world with rose glasses. Have been able to look at the aspects which earlier were not visible. New bonds earlier non-existing. New places to visit. New cuisines to taste. Infact, am discovering new traits in me previously dormant. Have begun to look at the future with new set of colours. Not just in sets of Black, white and gray! Colours so real that the future shall be more than merely a make believe. Colours so vivid that the memories I shall make henceforth shall be more recent than an aged sepia photograph! And these are the memories I really want to cherish. It indeed is true that one must preserve the old photographs. But here I am, planning to frame the photographs, and hang them on my wall!

As I transcend into the new year, I have finally found the Joy. The Joy of the laughs we share with our friends. The Joy when we watch a movie and actually feel one with it. The Joy when David Gilmour pulls up the solo for comfortably numb! The Joy. Found only in the small things. And I finally have found the capability to appreciate the small things that have been all around me all my life. The small things, thus far of no consequence, now filled with life. And its these small things I want my future to be painted with. Not some far fetched treasure. Not some hollowness. Not some lie. 

As I embark on this journey to my future, I want to borrow these words from the immortal Sahir Ludhianvi:

मैं ज़िन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया

हर फ़िक्र को धुंए में उडाता चला गया |

बरबादियों का सोग मनाना फ़िज़ूल था

बरबादियों का जश्न मनाता चला गया |

जो मिल गया उसी को मुक़द्दर समझ लिया

जो खो गया में उसको भुलाता चला गया |

ग़म और ख़ुशी में फर्क ना महसुस हो जहाँ

मैं दिल को उस मुकाम पे लाता चला गया|